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LINK
to share: https://hanglberger-manfred.de/en-suicide.htm
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Suicide Problems from a Perspective of the Family Therapy
There may be many causes for suicide, some are better understood and influenced by the findings of the family therapy (= systemic psychology).
1. Example An elderly man committed suicide
Facts from his family of origin The man was the second child of his parents. The first child had died. The mother could not get over his death. For years she went to the child's grave every day, even after the second child was born.
Suspected effects: 1) The second child had the impression: I am just a burden for the mother. It would be better if I wasn't there. Suicide as unconscious love of the "child" for the mother: I want to give you relief.
2) The dead are more lovable than the living. One has to be dead to be noticed, to count for something in the mother's heart. The dead child has the right to “possess the mother”, I don't. I also want to be where you are loved the most.
3) Since the mother cannot let go the child, she develops a tendency towards death, she wants to be with the dead child, she wants to die. The second child senses the mother's longing for death and develops a substitute role: "I'd rather be dead than you, Mum".
The basic psychological pattern from childhood can have an unconscious effect throughout life and can be completed at some point. Suicide often contains an unconscious love for a deceased person or for relatives who carry a strong death wish within themselves.
Prevention • Establish an inner relationship with the dead sibling. • Respect this child and bid him farewell. • Ask it to bless the living. • Reconcile with the (now deceased) mother; e.g. by writing a farewell letter.
Psychic laws from the perspective of family therapy
=> Deceased persons who have not been seen off can trigger a strong longing for death in relatives. (=> See grid for a farewell letter) => Spouses or children can develop a substitute behavior: "I'd rather be dead than you". => Children can sense a great deal of emotional distress from their mother and feel guilty about the distress they are causing their mother and develop a tendency to withdraw from life. (=> soul of the child)
2. Example A woman had had two suicide attempts and had been in psychoanalytic treatment for years.
Facts from her mother's family of origin Her mother was a twin child. The other child had died at birth. The mother had also died in the meantime.
Suspected effect correlation Twin children develop a deep emotional bond through the physical closeness of being together in the womb for nine months. Since small children still have little "emotional skin", one child experiences dramatic events and feelings of the other. An infant cannot say goodbye to the other twin if the latter dies. People who are not said goodbye, with whom one has a very close emotional connection, cause strong longings for death in the living. Such a longing for death can be taken over by one's own child in adulthood ("Better me than you, mum") and trigger the risk of suicide.
Prevention Farewell to the dead.
3. Example An elderly man committed suicide
Facts from his family of origin His father perished in the First World War when his mother was four months pregnant with the child. His wife was seven years old when she lost her own mother. When there were conflicts and serious worries in the family, the wife very often threatened to commit suicide and had several suicide attempts behind her. The husband never spoke of suicide.
Suspected effect correlation The man had a longing for death inside of him, because he hadn't seen his father and couldn't say goodbye to him as a child. In the face of his wife's longing for death and her tendency to "go", he developed a substitute behaviour: "Better me than you".
His death changed the behavior of the other family members very much in the direction of self-responsibility.
Prevention Farewell to the dead.
4. Example A woman committed suicide
Facts from his family of origin Her older brother died in a traffic accident at the age of 18. Her sister was 14 at the time. The brother, an excellent craftsman, was to take over the parents' business. His death stole the future of the family business. The mother in particular never got over the death of her son. Later, when she had problems with her growing daughter, the terrible sentence slipped out of her mouth: "He is dead and you are alive". As a result, the daughter distanced herself more and more from her mother and began to despise her.
Suspected effect correlation When the daughter despises the mother, she begins to love the mother in an unconscious way. The unconscious love in this case is likely to be: "Mom, you should be right, if you prefer that I don't live, I'll end this life". For children always love their parents, if not consciously, then unconsciously, e.g. by unconsciously consenting to the destructive desire of a parent.
Prevention • Learning to respect each parent as God's mediator for their own existence. • Learning to protect oneself from destructive speech and behavior of the parents. • Do not refer
hurtful things to oneself, but learn to understand it as an expression of • Understand oneself
as a projection screen. Consciously accepting this role temporarily
Manfred Hanglberger (www.hanglberger-manfred.de) Translation: Ingeborg Schmutte LINK
to share: https://hanglberger-manfred.de/en-suicide.htm
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