Arguing

Link to share: https://hanglberger-manfred.de/en-streit.htm

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Arguing - but constructively!

Arguing is natural and necessary:

1. Because people are different

>> in their experiences

>> in their opinions

>> in their wishes and interests.

2. Because no one with his or her wishes and opinions has to hide, but is allowed to show himself.

3. Because we have to learn to stand our ground and assert ourselves, but also to give in at the right time and make sacrifices for others.

4. Because we often only realise and can show how important some things are to us when we are in conflict.

5. Because without dispute some people begin to “rule“ and others are disadvantaged and oppressed.

6. Because without controversy feelings of revenge, mendacity, deceitfulness and a negative attitude towards each other arise in the long term: We then lose trust, respect and appreciation for each other!

Many people are afraid of arguing:

1. because in the past controversy was considered a sin and something evil that must not be.
That is why Christians used to have to confess "I have argued" - regardless of how and why they had argued.

2. because many people have not learned to argue meaningfully, so they are afraid of being hurt and offended or of hurting others.

3. because negative arguing can strain and even destroy human relationships: Friendships can break up and enmity can arise.

4. because dispute can be very exhausting; because even constructive dispute is a strong mental challenge.

5. Because one does not want to be seen as a nag or a quarrelsome person.

6. Because as a child in one's own family one only experienced disputes in a bad way.

Rules for fair arguing

1. Listen carefully to the other person.

2. Seek to understand the other.

3. Let the other person finish speaking, but claim equal speaking time for yourself.

4. Take the other person seriously (do not mock or ridicule):
a) Have respect for the other person's opinion (This does not mean he is necessarily right, however).
b) Have respect for the other person's feelings (But feelings are not arguments!).
c) Respect the other person's wishes (This does not mean having to give in).

5. Accept that there are differences and endure them.

6. Everyone says as clearly as possible what they mean and want and how important it is to them.

7. You shouldn't use phrases like "someone...", but "I ...".

8. Defend oneself immediately against insults by protesting

9. Be ready to compromise (this is not possible with important values!)

10. Make sure that there is no loser and no winner in the long run.

Prayer for children on the theme of conflict:

God, you are inwardly connected with every human being.

You love the diversity and difference in nature

and within us human beings.

So each of us is an "original", a unique being:

No one exists twice.