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Why there are favorite children and "shadow children" in some families? If the parents or one of the parents particularly love one of their children, it is understandable that the other children become jealous and occasionally let this favorite sibling feel that they are being treated unfairly. Often, such symptoms of jealousy also become visible between the adult siblings. In order to counteract this in the family and even in adulthood, it is important to understand the psychodynamics of the parents of favorite children: An example: A young woman fell in love with a man and hoped to marry him. But her parents totally rejected this potential son-in-law, whereupon he turned to another woman. When the young woman later married another man and had several sons, she projected her longing for the original lover onto one of the sons, who became her favorite son. Another woman's lover had never returned home from the war and another had died in a traffic accident. Whenever a woman or man loses a lover, there is a high probability that a child will become a projection screen for the longing relationship in a later partnership and thus become a favorite child. Another example: One woman had a difficult father with whom she largely lost contact with later when she had a family of her own. Since she had married a man who was emotionally difficult to approach in unconscious solidarity with her father, she projected her longing for a loving father onto one of her sons from whom she hoped to receive the love that she had missed from her father. But she projected her anger towards her father onto another son, who became the “problem child” in the family. Her opposing feelings of “longing for love” and “anger”, which are aimed at her father, are later split up in her own family by redirection (= projection) onto two children. What is a “difficult father” or “difficult mother”? (Three basic patterns): A “difficult” parent - has too little relationship with the child: little time and interest, mentally unavailable, constantly busy, absent, negative towards the child, … (What is to do: >>>) or - has an inappropriately interfering relationship with the child: Too much influencing, controlling, bullying or even violent relationship, too little respect, ... (What is to do: >>>) or - pushes a child into an inappropriate helper role due to their own weakness and need, through which they sacrifice their own childhood and youth: E.g. due to illness, disability, depression, marital problems, mental stress from one's own childhood, ... (What is to do: >>>)
Link to share: https://hanglberger-manfred.de/en-favorite-child.htm

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