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Possible causes why women disdain men

As a family therapist, one looks for conscious and unconscious causes of the women's contempt for men in marital conflicts and tries to resolve them.

1. Whenever women in a marriage or in a similar partnership do not feel respected and taken seriously by their partner, they can develop a contempt for men. Not being respected is perceived by them as dispraise and thus a form of contempt. Despised people usually start to despise the "despisers" at some point. Therefore, organizations that deny women equal rights must expect particularly strong contempt from women.

2. Especially very young men who had to go to war at the age of 17 or 18 had usually not yet developed a healthy self-esteem, since this is often only developed through several years of experience at work or through a marriage and caring for children. When these young men had the extreme experience of killing opponents of the war and witnessing the death of war comrades, the associated feelings were usually repressed. Through such repression of feelings, these young men became emotionally insecure and somewhat lost their inner compass. This is why such men often married women who had the power to make decisions, or these wives sensed their husbands' insecurity and felt compelled to become strong in their decisions and therefore dominant in the relationship. But this emotional insecurity and inability to make decisions on the part of husbands often led to their wives beginning to despise their husbands.

3. Many women experienced during the war that their husbands were absent from the family for years. The woman lacked a partner and the children lacked a father. The woman had to make all decisions about children and house on her own. All work and economic problems rested on their shoulders. After a while, these women became aware of the futility, inhumanity and craziness of the war that was started and continued by men in politics - and so they began to despise the "men's world" and its values more and more deeply: "The men must be crazy". They stage a cruel and senseless war with the greatest effort, with tremendous expense and terrible consequences.

4. Usually the daughters who lived through the war years developed a contempt for men similar to that of their mothers; because on the one hand they lacked their father and on the other hand they were mostly in solidarity with their mothers, often shared their burdens and took over their feelings.
Since German politicians started the Second World War, women in Germany are likely to have developed a particularly extreme contempt for men, and this is probably one reason why many women in the Catholic Church in Germany are particularly sensitive to the discrimination of women by the men in Church leadership.

5. Many a soldier in World War II had lost their father in World War I when they were babies or young boys. The unresolved pain from early childhood and the experiences of war often increased emotional insecurity. Some men tried to compensate for this with great conscientiousness at work or with creativity in a leisure activity. But these men often had no understanding for the changing emotional world of children and adolescents. When later the wife perceived this, she not rarely developed a contempt for men.

6. Whether a son lost a parent through the effects of war or other strokes of fate, such an early loss usually means that one could not yet go the path of mourning and an appropriate farewell and then, as an adult, was in danger of falling back into those age groups that you had to repress because of that stroke of fate. Also, this falling back into unconscious childlike and juvenile behaviors that seem incomprehensible to a wife can lead to the wife's contempt for the husband.
It can be particularly painful for the woman if the husband's relapse into youthful behavior is combined with trying out his ability to relate to the opposite sex, as is usually the case for young people. Because then this husband feels little to no guilt, if he starts a relationship with other women in between, but the anger, indignation and hurt of the wife increases her contempt for men.

7. If a girl was not taken seriously by her father or was spanked, humiliated or treated unfairly, then there is a very high probability that her later choice of partner will always be connected with the longing for a father substitute.
Such women fall in love very intensely, since their partner love is strengthened by the father's longing, which now seems to be fulfilled.
Family therapy has found that these women often choose a partner who will hurt them again. Because unconsciously they repeat the situation of their childhood - in the hope that they can solve the problem of that time now. But mostly they experience new injuries and disappointments, which lead to an ever stronger contempt for men.

8. Some women say that as a firstborn they experienced a lot of love and attention from their parents. But when her brother was born, he was considered much more as the "son and heir" by her parents and became the center of attention in the family. She, as a daughter, was hardly noticed anymore and suddenly lost appreciation and attention.
The envy and anger towards her brother, who was so favored by her parents over her, later led her to a rage and contempt towards the male world.

9. If the daughter in a family feels her father's unresolved pain, it may be that she tries to comfort the father and make him happy with her affection and helpfulness. The cause of the father's pain can be very different. It may be a painful blow of fate or an injury by his parents in his childhood; it may also be an actual problem in his profession or an injury in his relationship with his wife.
When the daughter falls into a spiritual helper role for the father and perhaps even becomes his favorite child, she sees the father needy and herself great. Later she will see all men as needy and look down on them.
In a spiritual helper role for the father, a daughter will therefore most likely unconsciously develop a contempt for men.

10. The strongest contempt for men is usually developed by a woman who was sexually abused by a man as a girl.
As a result, the man is primarily perceived as a sexually greedy and uncontrolled being who claims the weak girl as a possession. The fact that this man's behavior shows no compassion, no respect and appreciation can give the girl the impression that men are unpredictable monsters - and that "men only want one thing". Where compassion, respect and appreciation are lacking, the victim experiences this as contempt. Here, the emotional reaction that these girls then feel as adult women applies in a special way: as disdained people, they begin to despise the "disdainers".
But many of these women also experience a bad side effect. As victims of abuse, they often develop a deep self loathing and not infrequently also despise their bodies, which they then do not want to feel or love.

11. Whether sexual abuse, whether physical or verbal humiliation or any other of the problems listed here:
If the mother or grandmother experienced such, there is a great probability that a daughter or granddaughter will adopt such feelings and thus develop a contempt for men and their lives will be shaped by it.

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To overcome contempt, see the Healing Rites for Emotional Wounds >>>

This compilation does not claim to be complete!

Manfred Hanglberger

Translation: Ingeborg Schmutte

Link to share: https://hanglberger-manfred.de/en-maennerverachtung-der-frauen.htm

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