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Possible causes why men disdain women
As a family therapist, one looks for
conscious and unconscious causes of men's contempt for women in marital
conflicts and tries to resolve them..
1. Because of the traditional subordination of women to
the dominance of men.
For thousands of years,
men have been used to women being subordinate to them.
When women no longer accept this subordination and rebel, they are despised
by some men. This contempt for women usually develops in “sons of fathers”
who, according to family therapy findings, have felt more connected to their
father than to their mother since childhood and usually adopt their father's
value system and unconscious repressions.
2. Because of the devaluation of the
emotional world in society and in religions.
Often the man, with his sober rational nature, has to reassure the woman,
who is burdened by strong feelings.
Christianity in particular, by adopting the evaluation of feelings in Greek
philosophy, has placed reason and will above feelings for 2000 years and, by
devaluing the emotional world, has also devalued women. Anger and sexual
feelings, for example, were declared sins.
As the church was the dominant force in European culture and society for many
centuries, this had a devaluing effect on women. More detailed information on
the devaluation of feelings: >>>
3. Contempt for women by the “sons of
mothers”.
If a son was in a helper role for the mother because the mother appeared
needy, this son unconsciously looked down on the mother first and then on all
women.
The mother's neediness could have many causes: Examples:
- because she had been hurt by her father in childhood,
- because her father had died young,
- because the dominant father oppressed the mother and the son was in
solidarity with her.
Some “mother's sons” remain loyal to their mother and, in solidarity with
their mother, despise their own wife, who expects more affection from her
husband - some mothers compete with their daughter-in-law and try to get
their son on their side.
4. When the longing for a "real"
mother is disappointed again and again.
When a son has been
possessed by his mother, he often spends a lifetime searching for a true
mother who does not possess him. But many men who carry such a longing for a
mother within them, i.e. who are looking for a new mother in the form of
another woman, are repeatedly disappointed, because many women do not want to
be a substitute mother for their husband, but a partner. But such women are
then despised by the man because they do not take on the role of mother for
him.
The same problematic behavior can arise in a man if he has lost his mother at
an early age or if she was not available for the child for other reasons.
5. if the early loss of the mother triggers
mistrust and contempt towards women in the man.
If a son loses his
mother in childhood, he often develops a mistrust of all women who might
leave him again. Unconsciously, this man often marries a woman who will
actually leave him - perhaps because she was forced into a motherly role and
did not accept it. But this is why such men then begin to despise women.
6. If a boy was the victim of
discrimination by his mother in childhood.
If a son grew up in the
shadow of his mother's favorite child, there is a risk that he will first
despise his mother and later all women because of this discrimination.
7. If as a boy you were grandma's favorite
child who was in competition with the daughter-in-law.
If a son was his
grandmother's favorite child, he is in danger of despising her
daughter-in-law, i.e. his own mother, and then later projecting his longing
for his grandmother onto unattainable women and his contempt for his mother
onto his own wife.
8. If the parents' relationship to each
other was very unequal and as a son you switch from mother solidarity to
father solidarity.
If, as a son, one was in
a pronounced helper role for the mother and despises the father in solidarity
with her. But a son who despises his father unconsciously becomes more and
more like his father. And then, in unconscious solidarity with the father, he
begins to despise the woman.
Family therapy has recognized that a son who despises his father
unconsciously becomes more and more like him. We always love our parents: if
we consciously despise a parent, we will love them through unconscious
imitation.
A famous example (German language): >>>
9. When the woman physically withdraws from
the man.
A woman can be despised
by her husband if she physically withdraws from him,
- because she was hurt by her father in childhood and projects this onto her
husband,
- because she was sexually abused by a man in childhood and therefore
despises men,
- because she was sexually abused by a man in childhood and is therefore
unable to allow any
feelings,
- because she has taken on
similar emotional burdens or emotional blockages from her mother
or grandmother.
- because a woman's hormone
levels change after the menopause or due to certain illnesses,
which can lead to a decrease in sexual desire.
Unless both spouses consciously
perceive and work on these problems and their causes, there is usually no way
to change the existing contempt into respect.
Possible causes why women disdain men >>>
Man-Woman Relationship >>>
To overcome contempt, see the Healing Rites
for Emotional Wounds >>>
This compilation does not claim to be complete!
Manfred Hanglberger (www.hanglberger-manfred.de)
Translation: Ingeborg Schmutte
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