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Protect yourself from hurtful projections

What are "projections"?

Projections arise from experiences that trigger strong feelings (e.g. sadness, longing, aggression, feeling of guilt, ...), but which you are unable to express, i.e. "allow to come into the world". This is why they are repressed, i.e. suppressed, so that other people do not notice these strong feelings that are alive inside you. In addition, it is easier to forget unpleasant feelings by repressing them so as not to be burdened by them. But what you repress is not gone from your own soul but lies in wait to "come into the world". As we are most overwhelmed by strong feelings in childhood, most repressions take place in childhood.

If, for example, a mother has been mentally or physically injured by her mother in childhood, she can later project these injuries onto a daughter, so that the daughter now gets the anger, the resentment and the reproaches, as if this were the grandmother to whom these emotional reactions are actually directed.

The problem is that the mother does not notice that she is redirecting her feelings, which are actually directed at her own mother, and reacting to her daughter. Unfortunately, the daughter usually does not notice that she is a victim of the mother's emotional redirection, i.e. the projection – and then feels injured by the mother or gets feelings of guilt, inferiority or even anger.

Of course, "projections" do not only exist in marriage and family, but also at school, in clubs and especially in the workplace, e.g. towards colleagues, subordinates and superiors.

The temporal splitting of projections in a partnership >>>

The splitting of projections of parents onto two children >>>

Projection injuries in public:

Projections to which one is exposed in public are experienced in the form of injustice, unfair accusations, insults, slander, bullying, etc.

The best way to respond to such conflicts is with fair methods of dispute and criticism:

Fair methods of dispute: >>>

Fair methods of criticism: >>>

It is important not to fall into insulting, inappropriate and unfair behavior through your own projections!

To do this, it is necessary to become aware of your own projections through conversations with parents and other relatives and with good friends and to dissolve them - e.g. through "healing exercises": >>>

If methods of argument and criticism do not help, the following formulation may be helpful:

"Since your (insulting, unjust, hurtful, ...) behavior towards me seems completely excessive in relation to my behavior, I suspect that you have a projection problem, i.e. that you yourself have a problem that you are projecting onto me. If you work on your projection problem first, perhaps we can constructively solve the problem you have with me."

If you are the victim of projections that come from several sides at the same time, against which you cannot stand your ground, and you cannot find a partner to show solidarity, it may be necessary to clear the field of conflict and withdraw. In extreme cases, this may mean changing schools or jobs, for example.

Some injuries caused by projections are of a legally relevant nature, so you should consult a lawyer.

Protection from parental projections

Since we not only experience our parents as a counterpart, but we also carry them within us to a certain way, turning away from them and breaking off contact does not bring a solution, but can make the problems worse.

In addition to the rite

"Accept life from your parents and protect yourself" >>>

the following methods can be helpful:

1. The first step is to look at the parents' life history in order to recognize what hurts, disappointments or excessive demands the parents have experienced, which they repressed but continued to carry within themselves and then began to project onto me.

2. In this way, you can become aware that the injuries your parents inflict on you are a problem of the parents and that you yourself are only the projection screen on which the parents "give birth" to their emotional pain.
("I see that your behavior towards me has to do with your history and your problems")
In this way, one recognizes the parents as suffering and hurting persons rather than oneself. As a result, the hurtful behaviors of the parents lose much of their effect on me.

3. Build up a "protective shield":

In order to build a "protective shield", it is crucial to find out by whom a parent has been hurt and for whom you are therefore suffering vicariously as a projection screen for that parent. Sometimes this is completely clear, as in the following family, for example:

The mother complained about the stress she had experienced in her childhood at the hands of her own mother, but didn't realize how much she later vented her hurt on her own daughter when this was already married and had children of her own.

Whether on the phone or during visits, the daughter was always inundated with senseless and hurtful accusations.

To protect herself, the daughter can have a photo of her grandmother with a little chain ready to hang around her neck and wear this picture on her chest when talking to her mother on the phone. In between, she says to her grandmother in her thoughts:

"Grandma, I'm suffering on your behalf from my mother's reproaches, which actually belong to you. That's why you have to protect me now and take over my mother's reproaches!"

During a visit to the mother, the daughter can wear the picture of grandmother under her clothes and ask the grandmother for her protection in a similar way before entering the mother's home.

But the daughter can also inform the mother about the rite with the picture of grandma and tell her why she is doing it.

Incidentally, these protective mechanisms are also effective if someone in a life partnership is suffering greatly from the partner's projections.

There are children who, even in childhood, see through the projections of their parents and deal constructively with this realization, like the boy of a single mother teacher who told the following story:

When she scolded her son recently, he replied: "Why are you scolding me just because you can't stand yourself again today?"

Actually, the teacher continued, I wanted to slap him in the face because of this cheeky remark, but I realized that he was right.

Unfortunately, children usually fail to see through their parents' projections. And for many, even in adulthood, it is a challenging task to recognize such projections and to protect themselves from them or to deal with them constructively.

Other important exercises,

that help us to find ourselves and protect ourselves: >>>

Manfred Hanglberger (www.hanglberger-manfred.de)

LINK to share: https://hanglberger-manfred.de/en-schutz-vor-projektionen.htm

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