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LINK to share: https://hanglberger-manfred.de/en-marriage-a-sacrament.htm |
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Marriage - a sacrament? In the Catholic Church, ecclesiastically contracted marriage is
considered a sacrament because it reflects God's covenant with His Church,
which is firm and indissoluble, and because God's love for mankind remains
irrevocable despite man's ever-new failings. Because of this understanding of
marriage, there is no divorce in the Catholic Church and no permission for a
second marriage as long as the spouse is alive. But this understanding of marriage as a sacrament does not reckon with
the failure of people in their partnership abilities and thus with the
possibility of a failure of a marital community. For this reason, the
Catholic Church has for a very long time excluded from the sacraments those
people whose marriage has failed and who have then entered into a new
partnership, and has alleged that they have to live their life in permanent
grave sin - even if they have acknowledged and reregretted any possible guilt
for the failure of their marriage and have learned from it for the rest of
their lives. In addition, the traditional understanding of marriage in the Catholic
Church did not accept any psychological insights about projections and other
effects from systemic (cross-generational) stresses or from the childhood
that may endanger and destroy a marriage. See my proposals for the marriage and the family
pastoral >>> But since sacraments in the Catholic Church are fundamentally understood
as “signs” and “tools” of salvation, and thus above all as strengthening and
promoting human spiritual growth, there are other important meanings of the
marriage sacrament. These would not have to result in a denial of the
sacraments in the case of a failure of a marriage and a remarriage, if the
people concerned deal responsibly with their past and with their present
situation. The sacrament of marriage, in which the bridal couple promises each other
exclusive and lifelong love, loyalty, respect and cohesion in all the
vicissitudes of life, creates a space in which four essential dimensions of
love can be initiated and can unfold. Since love is understood not only as a gift of God's grace, but in love
God Himself is alive, God Himself becomes present in the world and in the
lives of people and the process of God's incarnation continues as spouses
grow in the four fundamental dimensions of love: - in the love of oneself - in the love for the other one - in love for the world - in love for God. 1. Grow in
Love for Oneself Perceiving oneself in a new way, because one experiences oneself
perceived by the partner: Who am I for the other, who am I independent of the other? Who am I for any children that may be born? Being loved creates the possibility of becoming insecure as well. Those who know they are loved can let themselves be unsettled without
fear and be sent on a - sometimes painful - path of spiritual growth. The love of the partner creates a mental space in which I can more easily
show myself as I really am, and hence, recognize myself better. However, the expectations and demands of spouses and children also
provoke the setting of certain limits: I have to think of myself, too – I
can't expect that from others! What do I need that my partner and children cannot give to me? Loving oneself means not only taking good care of oneself and
representing one's own interests, but also taking oneself seriously, seeking
to understand oneself better, recognizing and doing one's own spiritual
homework. This also includes recognizing one's own strengths and weaknesses and
reinforcing the positive and controlling the problematic better. Spouses and children
challenge us in a particular way in this task. Being loved enables the experience of being valuable and important and
increases the willingness to take care of oneself and to take good care of
one's life and health. 2. Grow in love for the next one Marriage especially requires responding to another person - the partner -
seeking to understand him or her rather than judging him or her or distancing
oneself from him or her when problems arise. Instead, you ask yourself, why is he / she like that!
This drives the cognition process forward instead of devaluing the other.
This strengthens the relationship instead of weakening it. You ask yourself: What
does the other person need, what gives him particular pleasure, what does he
not like at all? One is willing to share suffering and joy and to be there for one another
"in good times and bad times, in health and in illness". Some people only discover their ability to love their neighbor through
loving their companion. Where people become sensitive to the right hierarchy of values in life
through love in partnership, they can also better perceive other people with
their worries and joys and, with their knowledge of what they have in common
and of the differences between people, they can deal with their fellow human
beings in a more helpful, honest and tolerant way. 3. Grow in Love for the World For those who experience themselves as being loved and as a loving
person, life and the world that surrounds them appear to be meaningful and
valuable. If you feel the world is
valuable, you feel more part of it, you feel more connected to the great
community of all living things. And as a result, many feel more responsible to maintain the environment
healthy. Children in particular invite us to think much further in time and to
shape our lives so that they, too can experience a lovable environment worth
living in. Responsible parents often feel a special challenge to work for a more
just and peaceful world and against ecological threats, and to shape their
own lives sustainably. Such parents raise their children not for themselves, but for the world,
so that they can find their place in the world and will love life and the
world. 4. Grow in Love for God Faithful people experience love and loyalty in partnership as a gift and
as grace. This awakens a deep gratitude towards the Creator of life. The faithful, when he
can no longer understand the other partner, is willing to refrain from
devaluing him in conflicts and instead ask for God's help. Quote from a wife,
"If I couldn't have prayed, I would have run away or killed myself." Faith invites you to deal with the ultimate questions of life: with
the question of the meaning of life, with where the world came from and where
it is going to. When life is recognized as a miracle and a mystery, reverence and
mindfulness shape how we interact with each other and how we live our lives. Faith inspires confidence - that one is not alone in the world and in
marriage: not alone at the mercy of one's partner. Self-esteem still has a
spiritual source. People of faith think about how and where God acts in their lives and in
the world and know that their existence is anchored in God's eternity. A marriage lived in love and faithfulness is a certain
realization (a "sign") of these basic four dimensions of love, and
it is at the same time impetus, nourishment and space for development
("tool") for the growth of these four dimensions of love - and thus
for the growth of the Kingdom of God for the spouses and through them also
somewhat into the world. That is why marriage is considered a sacrament in the
Catholic Church However, should marriage fail, growth processes in
these four fundamental dimensions of love can still take place in believing
and responsible people even in a new relationship. That is why, sacramental aspects can also be alive in a
responsibly formed new relationship in these forms described here. Manfred Hanglberger (www.hanglberger-manfred.de) Translation: Ingeborg Schmutte LINK to share: https://hanglberger-manfred.de/en-marriage-a-sacrament.htm |
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>>> The soul of a
child >>> Blessing
Word of parents at the wedding of their children >>> The
temporal splitting of projections in a partnership >>> Theraupeutic
personal responsability
>>> Spirituality
and dimensions of love |
